1) Back to computer programming. Ok, well, it probably doesn't pay less than when I did that, but likely not more, and what with outsourcing and a larger pool or qualified applicants, I'd have to fight like hell for a job I hated. Um... no.
2) Male Prostitute. Well, the hours aren't great, and work isn't necessarily steady, but I think with a 6-hour-a-day regimen of running, yoga, pilates, and weightlifting, I could probably firm up enough to be a passable male prostitute. I'm not sure my gf would be thrilled with the idea, and I'd have to let all kinds of standards drop, but assuming $100/h (I have no idea what one would actually get, but that seems safe enough for illegal escorting) I could work 8 hours a week and be totally comfortable.
3) Media god/punk rocker/writer/poet. The only problem is, I'd actually have to FINISH something I worked on. My dead laptop, if recoverable, is a goldmine of interested and sometimes tuneful half-finished ideas.
I dunno... maybe back-to-school for little Robertchik?